Skip to main content

Transitioning to gray.... happily!!!

I had my first grey hair when I was just 23. And then just as a reflex, I plucked it away. I obviously didn’t want the grays to come to me. Obviously not...
And then I didn't see them for a while till the time when I became around 30 when the greys started coming over and decided to stay on my scalp. (ooooooh.....it is very early....not soooooooooooooooo soon..........................)
I didn't want these visitors, come on yaar... no one likes change... or was it about the hidden meaning beneath the greys????
What is it that was making me uncomfortable?
And then, once while I was finishing my therapy session with a child, I overheard a parent talking to another...
“You know what I am completely grey, I just color them...IIt'snot something to be proud of........” she told to the other parent. First message for me that greys are terrible!!!
The media and the advertisements played a major role in those days and added to the belief that you cannot afford to show your grays, you need to get them colored...
My friends told me – You need to color your hair, it is premature graying, just color them...
And then I started the practice of coloring the few greys that I had. And that is all...
It never stopped to the point now where I don't even know what is happening on my scalp.
How many new visitors have come?
How do I look if I do not color my hair?
Very very slowly, I am distancing my authentic true self from my own self. And this part feels sad and neglected...
Now, since the last 4-5 months, I am extremely uncomfortable coloring my grays. Its as if a part of me has split and is urging me to embrace them. I am unhappy that I have been ignoring them and covering them...SECRETLY...as if it is a crime to have them show.....
I cannot take this emotional turmoil inside of me and want to be who I am inside outside. Be it black or be it gray....
I have been ambivalent for a long time and I think its high time that I accept myself.
I know that it is not what the world thinks of me.... It is about what I think about me, ABOUT MYSELF!!!
So today
I choose and embrace my greys
I choose and embrace myself inside out...
I choose to uncover them...
They need to proudly see the world...
I give them that right...
I applaud them for coming...
I choose to face the awkwardness which I may feel...
I choose to step out of my comfort zone...
I am going to do this...I may keep changing my mind but I will do it...
There is a lot of resistance and I am pulled equally on both sides...
A part of me says “Don't stop coloring....”
Another part says “Please stop coloring....be your true self....”
And I am going to do this...
I choose to shed off my inhibitions...
I choose to learn what my grays want to teach me...
I embrace the CHANGE in me...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bye bye Plastic....

When I got married, my mom in law gifted me a lot of steel containers. I was really feeling weird about why steel? Anyways, things went on and then she would cook something nice and send it to us. Everything that was given to us was in a steel container. She had the biggest to the smallest boxes of steel. The biggest to the smallest steel pans with steel lids on it. I still remember I used to just use dishes or plates to cover my pans and my mom in law painstakingly got the e xact covers to each of the pans which didn't have a cover. And I was always left to wonder what is it with steel when everything is so easily available in plastic. Many times, I thought it was just about the generation gap and laughed away to it. I appreciated the efforts that she put in the kitchen and the containers. She never told me to stop storing food in plastic containers. She always modeled it for me. Whenever I would ask my father in law to get something from the market, he would very syste...
Post a Comment
Read more

Miss you daddy....

Dearest daddy, Wishing you many happy returns of the day... Again another birthday when you are physically not present with us. Every year, I tell myself that you are happy wherever you are.  I also tell myself that you are watching us and blessing us and happy for us.  All of this seems good to listen to and that is all. Maybe I am trying to fool myself by saying all of this. All this logic is not accepted by my heart... It is shunned away... The truth is- there is an abyss.... the special place in my heart is empty... Daddy, you are missed when we are happy... Daddy, you are missed when we are sad... Daddy, you are missed when I achieve something... Daddy, you are missed when I make your name proud... Daddy, you are missed when I see a dad interacting with her daughter... Daddy, you are missed every single day... Daddy, you are missed every single moment when I feel grateful... Daddy, you are missed every single moment when I feel blessed... Daddy, you are missed by every c...
Post a Comment
Read more

Shudh desi feelings......

You know what sometimes I love to cry when I see sad movies... I initially used to think that I am so funny... But I really loved crying and felt light after that....so light.... and I love this quality about me...the tears are real... 100% pure....Shudh desi tears... I laugh a lot too when I watch movies... Too much...still remember the days when I and my sister would laugh on the stupidest of the joke and my dad used to shout at us... “Does anyone else laugh so loudly around here in our neighborhood?” We would look at each other, become quiet for a millisecond and be back to even louder laughter....while dad would look at us in frustration and his eyes would go towards our mom pleading her to control this laughing monster who was inside us. And we still laugh even today while mine and her husband exchange glance with each other when the laughing gas is in the room.... we laugh till we start crying!!! It is such a wonderful exercise !!! It feels like running...
Post a Comment
Read more