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Transitioning to gray.... happily!!!

I had my first grey hair when I was just 23. And then just as a reflex, I plucked it away. I obviously didn’t want the grays to come to me. Obviously not...
And then I didn't see them for a while till the time when I became around 30 when the greys started coming over and decided to stay on my scalp. (ooooooh.....it is very early....not soooooooooooooooo soon..........................)
I didn't want these visitors, come on yaar... no one likes change... or was it about the hidden meaning beneath the greys????
What is it that was making me uncomfortable?
And then, once while I was finishing my therapy session with a child, I overheard a parent talking to another...
“You know what I am completely grey, I just color them...IIt'snot something to be proud of........” she told to the other parent. First message for me that greys are terrible!!!
The media and the advertisements played a major role in those days and added to the belief that you cannot afford to show your grays, you need to get them colored...
My friends told me – You need to color your hair, it is premature graying, just color them...
And then I started the practice of coloring the few greys that I had. And that is all...
It never stopped to the point now where I don't even know what is happening on my scalp.
How many new visitors have come?
How do I look if I do not color my hair?
Very very slowly, I am distancing my authentic true self from my own self. And this part feels sad and neglected...
Now, since the last 4-5 months, I am extremely uncomfortable coloring my grays. Its as if a part of me has split and is urging me to embrace them. I am unhappy that I have been ignoring them and covering them...SECRETLY...as if it is a crime to have them show.....
I cannot take this emotional turmoil inside of me and want to be who I am inside outside. Be it black or be it gray....
I have been ambivalent for a long time and I think its high time that I accept myself.
I know that it is not what the world thinks of me.... It is about what I think about me, ABOUT MYSELF!!!
So today
I choose and embrace my greys
I choose and embrace myself inside out...
I choose to uncover them...
They need to proudly see the world...
I give them that right...
I applaud them for coming...
I choose to face the awkwardness which I may feel...
I choose to step out of my comfort zone...
I am going to do this...I may keep changing my mind but I will do it...
There is a lot of resistance and I am pulled equally on both sides...
A part of me says “Don't stop coloring....”
Another part says “Please stop coloring....be your true self....”
And I am going to do this...
I choose to shed off my inhibitions...
I choose to learn what my grays want to teach me...
I embrace the CHANGE in me...

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